Every co-parent has a moment where they're not sure how it's going to work.

Two years in, I wasn't sure we'd make it.

We had a calendar that worked and we were polite and respectful, but underneath there was friction, stress, and resentment.

We both had reasons.
We both had justifications.

For some, this would have felt like the best they could make it work. But we couldn't settle for that.

Neither of us wanted to be in a relationship that was just “fine” and functioning, where we spend so much time complaining about the other.

Around this time, two years into our co-parenting, I remember us having a really difficult heart-to-heart.

We shared the pain and the frustration each were feeling, and we spent the time to actually listen to one another, acknowledge our experiences.

We decided we needed a reset.

So we hired a family therapist.

We recognized that we were important to each other, that we cared for each other, and that our family dynamic was worth the effort.

Our relationship wasn't the same as before. It was new. And it was something worth committing to.

It was just us, showing up and trying to do it a little better than the day before.

Some of those days were terrible.

Old resentments came back when we thought they were done, and there were times when someone was dating and feelings were still raw. But we kept going.

Sometimes you have to stay in the muddy messiness for a while before you can really come together and define what you want to create.

It took us a couple of years before we could even have that conversation. But we tried a little harder each day, and those days added up.

Ten years later, an just recently, my co-parent and I had a barbecue at her house.

Friends came over, our son was there, and it was just an easy afternoon with music and food and people we care about.

Our family, the one we built, doing what families do.

You don't have to like each other to start.

You just have to be willing to come together around how you want to function, and keep choosing it.

The relationship you're dreading right now can become the one you're most proud of. You get there the same way we did. One day at a time.

You don't have to answer these to anyone but yourself.

Where are you right now with your co-parent, and where do you actually want to be?
Naming the gap is the first step. Not to fix it today, just to see it clearly.

What are you holding onto that's keeping you exactly where you are?
A resentment, a justification, a story you've been telling yourself. It probably felt like protection once.

What would it take for you to ask for help?
Not whether you should. What's actually stopping you.

If your child described your co-parenting relationship ten years from now, what do you want them to say?
Sit with that one for a while.

I didn't become a joyful co-parent overnight — and if you're in the middle of this, you probably won't either.

I share my journey to connect with others working through the same confusing transformation.

It might be exactly what they need to hear.

Thank you,
Justin | The Joyful CoParent

PS: I aim to respond in 48hrs, I do read everything, but please be patient with me :)